THE FLIGHT OF ST. QUACK

Well, after my little temper tantrum the other day and the Rural Christian Women's Conference Yesterday and friends over for coffee this morning after church, I must say I am feeling so much better.  Maybe I just needed to turn 4 for a minute, whine, cry, bellow, complain and stomp my foot a few times.  I kept kicking myself for even posting the last blog but then said,,,,,geez, it's MY BLOG I can actually write whatever I want and I don't have to see anyone's facial expression when something inappropriate or just absolutely immature comes out of my mouth.  Oh the joys of the internet.

So, back to the Unwanted Duck.  I think I left off about "Green Duck" returning looking for Red and of course Red was dead and Green had a very hard time dealing with the death of his brother Red so he went on a bender and ended up hooking up with a Flamingo and by golly with his luck if she didn't have a Flamingo / Duck aka Fluck.  And of COURSE they both took off (Green for Vegas) and Flamingo for only God knows where and left me with this pink headed duck!!! THE NERVE.

Well, it was close to Christmas and so of course when the duck went back to Kaukauna it needed to be festive...so hence the birth of St. Quack.  Who was painted to look like Santa Claus of course and securely packaged in a big box with Pink, the Fluck and shipped off to the Kosuts wtih this note attached:

Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The rubber boots were hung by the tub with care,

In hopes that St. Quack soon would be there.

The ducklings were nestled all snug in their nests

While visions of fish swam ‘round in their heads.

With Red in his coffin, and Green’s kid on my lap,

Had just settled down for a short, quick duck nap.

When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,

I waddled from the sofa to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flapped like a flash,

Threw open the blinds and ducked under the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,

Gave the luster of mid-year to objects below.

When what to my wild wings should I see

But a great big old mallard and eight tiny small geese.

With an ugly old driver so lively and crowing,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Quack.

More rapid than foxes, his chickens they came,

And he whistled and waddled and called them by name;

Now, Toddle, Now, Shuffle, Now Wobble and Sway,

On Daniel, On Shannon, On Craig and Karane!

To the top of the coop! To the top of the shed,

Now fly away, fly away, fly away all!

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,

The flapping and slapping of each fine webbed foot.

As I drew in my wing, and was turning around,

Down the egg shoot St. Quack came with a bound.

His eyes how beady! His wings, full of fluff

His feathers were flustered, his beak crammed with stuff.

He quacked not a word but went straight to his work,

And filled all the rubber boots, then turned in a jerk.

And laying his wing aside of his waddle

And giving a nod up the shoot he rose.

He sprang to his golf cart, to his team gave a quack.

And away they all flew like the down of my back.

But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,

ISN’T IT GREAT, SO WONDERFUL TO SEE,

ALL DUCKS WHO COME BACK TO THEIR FIRST CHRISTMAS TREE

Oh did I laugh and laugh (and holy cow do I have black black ink now from copying and pasting that in there....I really need to investigate this blogging stuff more so I know what I am doing.....Well, guess you get this bold bold lettering, oh hey, wait....that seems SO MUCH better.  HA...loser, blonde, dork, call me what you will, but it's never boring around me.

I think I'll take a moment to see if I can upload photos of Red duck and all his many disguises since some of you are not on Facebook and probably can't "friend" Red Duck then. 

Well, I uploaded a photo and uhmmmm, it's not Red Duck, but it is a pic of some of my chickens...and here we have BOLD again.  OK, let's try this again:

 HERE is Red Duck (and no more bold)

 HERE is DEAD RED DUCK

 GREEN DUCK (BAHAHAHAHA and the ink turned Green and I didn't even do it). Seriously....WTH just happened??? I promise that I did not mess with the font color, I don't know how, I only know how now to unbold...

 Pink the baby Fluck (Seriously, I am not changing font color, I copy and pasted a word document of the letter sent with St. Quack which was colored and now the colors and just changing as they want as if possessed by the devil himself......)

St. Quack

And St. Quack.  SO there are the up to date adventures of the Unwanted Duck.  No one knows when he will appear again, or where but just when you least expect it....well, when I least expect it after I have sent him off....he appears again with another story, and man, I hope he doesn't come with anymore new off spring.

I am going to end this with a song that I messed with and put on Red's Facebook page after he flew off in his Sleigh at Christmas time that sure gave me a chuckle if no one else.....Hope you all have a Safe and Happy and Wonderful week.  PRAISE GOD because He is Good!!

The Duck he pleaded, and The Duck he cried,
For me to open up the door and let him go outside,
Then he sat on the lawn underneath a tree,
Pretending that he couldn't hear me.

I said, "Duck, you had better come on home,
"There's dogs in the dark, waiting to attack,
"And duck hawks looking for a late night snack,
"So Red, oh Red, you better come on home."

Red Duck, he turned, and he tossed his head,
"I may or may not come," he said,
"I'm a duck who's deeply dissatisfied,
"I'll let you know when I decide."

I said, "Duck, you better come home now,
"I'll close this door and I'll lock this bolt,
"You can spend the night in the snow and cold,
"So duck, oh duck, you better come on home."

He said, "I'd rather be a duck that meets a terrible fate,
"Than live with the Thoms who don't appreciate,
"That a duck's independent and a true highbrow,
"And demands a little high-class chow.
"I've seen the food that you feed your guests,
"The eggs and the fish and the chicken breasts,
"Do you share it with your duck? No you don't; now way,
"Not the poached perch liver pate."

I said, "DUCK, you had better come on home.
"I'm not about to stand her and argue with a duck,
Now what would the Koch's and the Kosut's think of that?
So Duck, OH DUCK, you better come on home.

"You've seen the last of your old duck, Red"
He left with the fluck and his big old bed
And he left for a month and a half.

I felt so bad, full of guilt and shame
I walked around town just callin his name
With a great big plate of yummy blue gill
and some tuna fish for his bill.

I said, "Duck, please come home,
"Come on, Old Red come home to bed
"I got a number of fringe benefits that need to be read
So Duck, oh duck, please come home.

I saw him six months later on a facebook page
He was the number one duck not one day aged.
With lots of friends and some statuses that were firm
And his hair was done up in a perm.

You could tell it was Red, though this duck was wrapped
In a Packer hat, a santa suit and teeth that were capped
He was taking no flack
and changed his name to QUack

I said "Duck, you better come home now.
You're top duck now and you're riding high,
"But they'll dump you in the river when the well runs dry,
"So Duck, oh duck, you better come on home.

Sure enough he came back one day last fall,
He was on his last legs he could barely crawl
With his poor old tail dragging on the ground
He weighed about 89 pounds.
He looked like something that the cat dragged in,
With his tongue hanging out on his double chin
And real big bags underneath his eyes;
He said, "It's me; surprise!"

I said "Duck so glad you came back home
"No need to explain my duck old friend,
"I'm just glad to have you back again.
"Yes Duck oh Duck you came back home".

I picked him up like a big feather sack
He said "Easy Jack, I got a flamingo on my back,
"I got a big Packer habit and that's no lie,
"I gotta go cold turkey on the blue gill pie"
"I'm only home to pack my bages
"And then I'm off to Vegas"

Oh' Duck, you better come home,
There's dogs in the dark waiting to attack
And duck hawks looking for a late night snack,
So duck oh duck, you better come home.

You can seek your fortune but nevertheless,
Remember your name and your address
And Duck, oh Duck, you better come on home.
(Adapted from Garrison Keillor's Cat Song". )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhJt3i3UKWk 

And now, if you don't hear from me for awhile, I broke a law somewhere using that song and changing it and Garrison (Who, I might add, I sat next to on an airplane once when I was 18 coming home from New Jersey oh, man, now that's a story but not for today)  I knew who he was....my dad is a huge fan, and so I recognized him right away. Asked his name to be sure and when he GRUFFED "Keillor" he kind of scared me and I never said another word the entire flight and to this day I regret it. But once at the airport in Minneapolis, I did manage to get the courage to catch up to him again (with my mom with me) and got his autograph for my dad at least. (Dad, you could at least verify this story for me to prove again, I can't make this stuff up). But so many hours wasted when I could have been chatting his ear off,  becoming his new best friend, giving him book ideas, (he has many, they are funny, read them), I'm sure I would have fit in PERFECTLY in Lake Wobegon, but now we will never know.....because for the first time in my life I decided to turn shy for a few hours. (and that is something I'm sure my family would have paid to see...me quiet for hours).  Yeah....I'm a real winner.  

Hope you all have a Safe and Happy and Wonderful week.  PRAISE GOD because He is Good!!

 

The All Too Lenghty Holiday Hangover

I am not a spontaneous person.  Not even a little.  I like a plan. I like when my days go exactly the same I do my household chores in the same order every day and if my morning doesn’t start off like all other mornings, there is a pretty good chance little is going to get done that day by the way of housework. Yet, housework along with raising kids is my job and so if it doesn’t get done, it’s like I called in sick to work. 

It’s inevitable that over the holidays, especially the last two weeks of each year, nothing is going according to schedules as they do the rest of the year and I am still trying to get myself back into my daily groove of getting up, spending time with the Lord who blessed me with the gift of the day and then to some exercise, (ok, even I laughed while typing that. It’s on the daily agenda each day but I tend to skip that part each and every day, hence the 40 pounds I need to lose), then it’s laundry, entryway, bedroom, kitchen, etc. etc.  You get the drift.  But here I am going into February and I still have not gotten back to my normal daily routine.  Not even the smallest part of getting up between 5:30 and 6:00 to have a little quiet time with God before my day officially starts.   Which means, I have not been spending my daily time with the Lord, which means I am struggling.  Physically I always am tired (which most likely is due to Meniere’s disease, one certainly does not understand the fatigue that comes with it), emotionally I have been drained and maybe even mildly depressed, sad feeling and I have no doubt been spiritually hungry. 

I know that I would feel better if I just got up and started my God time again.  It is a very uplifting way to start the day, but the alarm goes off and I shut it off and roll over.  And I know that upsets in my schedule can do this to me time and again but there has been an upset that I just can’t seem to shake. 

I was blessed with two months of seeing my oldest son regularly and I am sure it showed on my face each day how happy I was that we were mending our relationship and moving forward.  Baby steps, which I tend to like to LEAP into things, but God gave me the patience to do the small steps and be grateful for them.  However, January 8^th it all changed.  It stopped.  He stopped calling, answering calls, texting, answering texts and most devastating, coming to visit.  And I realized today, that I am really struggling with the backward steps I have been forced into and emotionally I am right back to square one.  And I have been since the beginning of the year.  It’s been a rough month, I miss him, and it hadn’t rang so loudly as it did last night at 9:37 when my phone rang.  Now, no one calls my house usually after 9:00.  We are people who go to bed early and get up early (or should be getting up early anyway) but I know when the phone rings between 9 and 10, it’s always David.  So, I was getting ready to go to bed last night, Dave was gone shooting trap, Lane was sound asleep IN HIS OWN BED and had FALLEN ASLEEP ON HIS OWN BY HIMSELF, may I add (because that is a success like no other that I have accomplished this month).  So I’m winding down, shutting lights off, heading out for a little “garage time” and the phone rings and my heart did about sixteen leaps as I rushed to the phone “knowing” David was calling to maybe set up plans for the weekend. 

Except it wasn’t David.  It was a wrong number.  I felt crushed all over again. It was a small sick joke that was being played on me by the enemy.  All the inflated joy blew out of me like a balloon that had been popped with a pin. 

Sad people are not fun to be around.  And I think I do a pretty good job of looking each day for the blessings.  I count the times Lane makes me laugh daily because he is a gift like no other that, even if late, he is a great reason to HAVE to get out of bed.  And I have to be a happy, engaged, fun, laughing mom to him each and every day.  And so I have mastered the art of faking it.  But I miss David.  I miss him and it weighs on me like a about  150 lbs of added dead weight and I wonder if things will ever get better.

Hope.  I live on hope each day but even I, who has a tremendously strong faith that God is in control, God knows what is best for all of us and God is not going to desert me or David.  But I’ve been struggling with hanging on to that hope.  And I am back to where I was two years ago when David took the turn down a path that I don’t believe God wanted for him and I second guess every decision I ever made. I beat myself up for the wrong decisions I made and I along with everyone else know they were not the right decision.  But at the time I didn’t know what decision to make and I made many of them purely on emotion.  So here I am back at square one.  And I need to change that.

Why am I blogging about this?  Because, many times I think Christian women don’t think they have the right to have rough times.  Christian women are always willing to help out their friends in need, but less willing to ask for help if they need it.  Christian women tend to not want to admit that sometimes life is just plain hard and we can’t always wear the happy face we want to or fake each day.  My blog is about real life, being real, being me and not being ashamed of who I am.  And so today I am sad, I feel disconnected from God, I feel like I want to crawl back under the covers and sleep the day away because in my dreams things are a little odd, sometimes crazy, but rarely are they filled with sadness.  I need to get myself motivated back to getting up in the morning, studying the Word, the only book that truly can direct me back to the path of harmony, then praying to God who always listens, and will always answer and will give me strength for the times when His answer doesn’t match my wants or expectations. 

Struggles with a troubled teenager is nothing short of crushing, but it always builds a strength like you never knew you had.  But today, I want to scream I WANT THIS TO END, I WANT HIM TO COME HOME, I WANT GOD TO ANSWER MY PRAYER WITH A YES TODAY, BECAUSE I’M TIRED OF WAITING AND WORRYING AND FEELING SAD AND INSIGNIFICANT.   I want to throw my own little temper tantrum and pity party.  And in the mean time, since I want all that from Him, I want to no longer be sick anymore either with Meniere’s disease.  A disease that everyone knows sucks, but because I am not talking about it every second of every day that I must feel fine.   I feel like crap.  And I look like crap today too.  J HA….well, I do. 

And I can do all those things, scream all those things, but where will it get me?  Well, I will probably just end up with a sore throat, looking like a fool and watching everyone slowly backing away, and in a perfect world tossing me chocolate covered, custard filled donuts as they go.  

This is a day in my life.  And I’m sure it sucks to read, or hear and well, y’all have your own struggles and problems to deal with so what makes mine anymore severe or important than yours?  Mine are not.  But we all have days like this and we all lead such busy lives that we don’t’ always notice when someone is having a day like this. 

Some may think that because it’s been 2 years it’s not that hard anymore that David isn’t at home.  The sad fact of the matter is that it is harder now than it was 2 years ago and in a year if he is still gone, it will be that much harder yet.  But I know I am really good about making it look easy some days with that pasted smile on my face, laughing and pointing out all of God’s amazing blessings.  But just like every other sinner in the world, today it doesn’t feel like enough and I’m so sorry Lord for feeling that way. 

If you are feeling despair ladies, over a situation of your own, consider yourself hugged from me.  I don’t want  anyone rushing to my side giving me attention.  I am a strong woman and having a few or 30 bad days doesn’t change that.  But it does make me quiet.  It does make me pull back a little bit because that is how I deal.  When things happen, I need to process.  I need to be alone, not talking about it and processing what has happened, what can I do right now to fix it or move towards fixing it and then come to the realization that like everything else it is what it is.   I think I have been so busy this month (getting up late, getting nothing done) because I haven’t allowed myself to process this set back.  And I think that just maybe I’m avoiding it completely because I don’t want to process it again and again and again.  But for me, it’s the only way I can move on.  I don’t tend to need constant listening ears or shoulders to cry one.  In fact, I haven’t shed a single tear in months because they don’t fall anymore.  But I need to get back to reality in my heart and know that honestly, there is nothing I can do but love David unconditionally.  God is in control of the rest and His will, will be done.  If I want Him to teach David I need to get out of the way and let Him.  But dang it if that kid didn’t take after me in THAT regard….he’s a slow learner like his mom.  But he will get it in the end and he will come around. 

I was putting off processing this again and so I decided to sit down and type it out…it’s forcing me to process.  And while I probably shouldn’t even post this, because it’s not looking for attention or sympathy.  I don’t want it.  But maybe, it will help some woman, just paging through blogs and come up on it and realize, she’s not alone and she is not a “bad Christian” because she has had some days where she is feeling far far away from God Himself.  I know, and she knows…He is here.  But it is me, us, who need to reach out to him. 

So come Monday, may I be refreshed and ready for my schedule to be back on track. Yep, I’m a bit OCD that way…but it doesn’t’ make me a bad person. J Does it?    Feel free to keep throwing the donuts ….I like donuts.  Which is going against everything E and I are learning in Made to Crave.  But honestly, I have yet to really get enthused about that study.  So it’s time…enough pitying REBECCA…GET OFF THAT BUTT, GET OUT OF BED when the alarm goes off and get back to living!  Life is too short. 

NO MORE HOLIDAY HANGOVER, time to take the proverbial aspirin and get on with it.  Thanks all.  Love you all!  If you are struggling, do what you need to do to get back up, I know I need to just smile and keep moving. And I will.  But today I’m pouting….just a little and am looking forward to curling up on the sofa with my family and watching Courageous tonight and hoping to get a little inspiration from it.  If not, I have the Christian Women’s seminar tomorrow to really fill me with the spirit and get me back to praising a God who deserves nothing less!!!   

The Unwanted Duck and the Wasted Weiner Dog

Hello Folks and Happy New Year!
I hope you all made it through Christmas and New Year's safe and sound with only a few bruises and scars that heal quickly. :) I had a great Christmas and New Year's and then it was on to the dreaded birthday. I didn't think six months ago it was going to bother me as much as it actually did turning 40 two weeks ago.  Rough, rough thing turning 40, but it really did ring true had I chose to say "I'd rather be 40 than pregnant".  But I didn't say it...well I just did and by that I mean, I 'd have more kids in a second, if A. I never had to be pregnant again and B. my husband would be as enthusiastic about it as me and C. it didn't cost like a 30 Grand to give a child a healthy happy loving home that otherwise may not have one.  Ridiculous I say ridiculous.  My husband got crabby just today because I sent him a picture of a small dog that was in need of a home.  YOWZA did I get snapped at for sending that picture.  Maybe he just has no more love to give. I don't know, but he isn't in the mood to discuss a tiny dog that probably would not even be hardly noticeable in our already zoo of a home but hey, I'll back off that fire...even if sturgeon spearing is coming, the sport of all sports that he manages to make me extremely angry about choices that are made that I deem unsafe all for the sake of a prehistoric uglier than ugly, I am talking...U-G-L-Y fish. And here is a secret between you and me...I really don't want another dog right now, what I really want is the love of my son and I am kind of smart enough to figure out that I could fill my house with sixteen dogs, twenty five cats, and seven stuffed hippos and 5 zebras and it still wouldn't be the same as having my son home, so I'll just continue having a laugh over antagonizing my husband with the thought of getting more animals.....although I don't think he thinks it is funny anymore and he knows too that spearing is coming and that when I get upset, I tend to just do what I want without his permission. YIKES....better behave there buddy boy!  LOVE YOU

 But one has to wonder if I'm suitable anyway for adopting a child, and no I am not even considering what is going on with my teenager but instead a ceramic duck that was placed in my care in, I think, early October. First let me say, I'm not comparing a child to an ugly ceramic duck, but well, there are crazies out there who might think I am comparing the care of the two, and if they can be compared, than no, I'm not suitable to raise another child and well, maybe someone should save mine from me now.

This summer we met a fabulous couple of couples who camp near our home.  One right across the street.  And we all became fast fast friends.  Campfires, Crab Boils, always looked forward to when they were coming. And I was always happy to unload some chicken eggs off on folks because I had an over abundance for a few months. 

I think I have mentioned I am a bit of a prankster when it comes to my neighbors...nothing crazy or destructive...just good clean fun.  Sometimes stealing is involved but a note is always left.  Well, these new friends/neighbors took a dozen eggs home when they went back to Kaukauna.  We had discussed me and my sense of humor but there was no reason for her to think that I even knew her well enough to pull a joke on her.  So she goes home and when she decides to use these eggs, she cracks one open and nothing comes out and that poor woman thought she got an egg with a chicken in it.  I can't imagine what that would do to my soul if I cracked open an egg and nothing came out knowing that the person I got the egg from had been unsuccessfully trying to hatch some of her own.  (NO not my egg, I don't lay chicken eggs, but eggs from my coop).  Luckily for her and me, there was no chicken in the egg but it was hard boiled.

My husband sometimes when we have extra eggs will just boil up a dozen or so because my youngest son loves them.  I, however, did not know this and so I grabbed the top carton and sent them off.  Well my neighbor thought I had done this on purpose and by golly I wish I could have taken credit for it, but I couldn't.  It was a complete mistake to send her with a dozen, half of which were hard boiled eggs.  But man, I still have that image in my head every now and then of her cracking that egg and thinking there was a dead chicken in it and I start laughing all over again. 


But the pranks have now begun and it all started with a penny auction that I was NOT even at and a trip to Mosier's.  You have NOT lived unless you have been to Mosiers but here is what happened. S and D "won" this ceramic duck, about the size of my cat, that had on it a ceramic cap with ceramic ear flaps and what appeared to be a ceramic scarf.   They, being the giving and nice people they are, left the duck with me, thinking I wanted to add it to my decor in my kitchen which has some duck decoys high up on a ledge.  Sadly, the duck did not just blend well enough into my decor and it wasn't going to be able to stay.  This is when the pranking began....halloween was coming soon and I knew that S and D got into Halloween and really had fun with it.  So, (warning...sick and twisted humor entering) I spent about an hour one afternoon Halloween weekend learning from a you tube video how to tie and noose.  Once I got the perfect noose tied, over to Shadanland I went and right outside their outhouse "Red Duck" decided he needed to hang himself with a suicide note taped to the outhouse door saying something to the effect that he could not live anymore in this cruel world with those snobby ducks feeling so unwanted. 


Yes it was the beginning of the Adventures of the Unwanted Duck.  Because yes, later on the duck was on my porch again in a different disguise with a note attached.  Green Duck appeared, with his ear flap cap painted Green with the Packer emblem on the front and green scarf sporting Packer beads looking for his brother Red duck whom he had heard lived at my house now and he was so looking forward to the watching the Packer Game with his brother.  Oh my goodness....did we have a laugh when the duck came back.  It took me many nights of thinking and laughing of course what to do with Green Duck and it was decided that while in his mourning Green Duck, who watched the Packer game with an unknown flock spent the night with a flamingo after having a little too much duck juice and just before running off to Vegas.  So there I was with a brand new baby Fluck.  Flamingo / Duck.  Oh what to do what to do........stay tuned for the next chapter in the adventures of the Unwanted Duck. 


If you can't wait until I have time to sit down and finish my story, go on facebook and search for Red Duck and send him a friend request...he would so love it, because he truly does feel very unwanted. There also you can see all the things so far Red has been transformed into while on his adventures.


Oh and as far as the Wasted Weiner dog....well, unfortunately, I thought that looked GREAT in the title but I have not been given permission for full disclosure on this cute little pooch and I'm really trying hard to get her to like me and to sit on my lap WITHOUT having a hot dog in my hand so I don't want to make her mad by spilling her secrets just yet....in due time, she will come to love me, I know she will.   It's hard to warm up to me I know....but once you do....friends for life baby!!!


Have a great night all and watch later for "The Flight of St. Quack".