It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Oh it’s Christmas time!  I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas time.  I love everything about Christmas time. I love buying and giving gifts, far more than I like to receive them, and no one , not one bah humbug spoils my mood at Christmas.  LOVE IT. 

Before I lost the majority of my hearing, my tradition was to put the tree up the day after Thanksgiving, with Kenny & Dolly’s Christmas cassette playing in the tape player.  (Stop laughing, LOVE KENNY AND DOLLY and miss cassette players too by the way).  I would sing right along with them, sure that I could sing as well, if not better, than Dolly.  My hearing has gone and so Christmas music is somewhat a thing of the past for me, but once Thanksgiving is over the Christmas spirit drops on me and it is time to decorate, bake, and carols still sing in my head.  And yes, sometimes I answer back to them, but that is another blog.

When I put up the tree now, I think of Christmases past.  I remember as a child putting the tree up after Abbotsford Elementary School’s annual Christmas program.  Back when the Christmas program was still called the Christmas program and the program still consisted of messages of Christmas’ true meaning.  There was no need for car magnets that said “Keep Christ in Christmas”, it was common knowledge that was what Christmas truly was all about and no one disputed that fact. Oh those were the days.  We would come home from the play and get undressed out of our costumes and have Christmas cookies, hot chocolate sometimes and decorate the wonderful real tree my dad had picked out for us.  I don’t recall actually picking out a Christmas tree, I’m not sure if we were taken along.  If we were, I am sad I don’t remember it but something tells me that it may be the fault of the wannabe cowgirl who was highly accident prone that deterred Rodeo dad from dragging all five children along to pick out the best most beautiful tree ever for each particular year.  But we had GREAT trees each and every year. I remember mom bringing down the HUGE box and various ice cream buckets of Christmas ornaments.  Popsicle Rudolphs, the glitter Jet dishwasher container that left your glasses sparkling clean and spot free (so the advertisement promised anyway), and all the other ornaments we made at school and Sunday School.  I remember the FAT silver garland that went around the tree, they don’t’ make garland like they used to, let me tell you and the large bright Christmas tree bulbs. That garland though man, it was ten times the width of the thin strings of garland that don the shelves of Walmart now.  It was beautiful.  And the grand finale was dad putting the star on top of the tree and turning on the lights.  Great times. 

On Christmas eve we would either go and perform in the church’s annual children’s program or on alternate years head to Grandma’s house for a Christmas celebration that beat all others.  I remember one year my cousin Todd (may he be resting in peace now) reading the Christmas story first and then Twas the Night before Christmas.  Nothing beats spending the season with family.  LOVED IT.

15 years ago Christmas’ changed for me forever in the best possible way.  David was due December 19^th, 1996. I had finished up my first semester at college, taken my finals early and headed home to Mom’s to await his highly anticipated birth.  December 19^th came and went, then the 20^th, the 21^st, and so on.  Christmas Eve came and there I was sitting, a big as a house, uncomfortable, crabby and so frustrated that labor had not started and I really didn’t want to have a Christmas baby.  Did not want to go into labor on Christmas day but if it was to be by then, I would welcome it.  We all gathered into the suburban and headed to the Christmas eve service at church.  Of course by that time, you hear all the usual, “No baby yet??” “well when is that baby going to come out”.  Never in a million years did I think I would hear the mother of all comments to make to a pregnant woman almost a week past her due date who just really was tired of walking around with a beach ball the size of Texas in her stomach.  Yes, a woman came up to me at church that evening and blurted out “What are you having a BABY ELEPHANT?”  Yes, I was A. that BIG, and B. Yes, I burst into tears.  Worst of all, of all the people in the world to overhear this comment (that might have been funny any other day of the year and I can kind of laugh at it now…kind of) was Jay, my little brother who lived and still does live to find ways to laugh at me.  Oh how he tormented me all night long.  Christmas came and went and there I was still pregnant.  Already this little child was showing me how stubborn he could be and things would happen in due time when he was ready, he is not a child to be rushed into anything even now. 

On December 26^th, my sister, who was going to be my coach in the delivery room headed for home in Minnesota, nothing was happening.  I thought maybe I was never going to have this baby, but around 7:00 or so I started feeling odd.  Was I in labor?  I didn’t know.  I mentioned to my mom that I was feeling funny. She of course went into mom mode and started asking me all kinds of questions and I said, uhm, I think I’ll go to my friend Deb’s for coffee.  I had given up on ever going into labor by that time so I didn’t really think it was happening.  I went to Deb’s had a cup of coffee, visited and said, hmmm, I think I better go back to mom’s, I might be starting labor.  Back to mom’s I went and called my sister who had just arrived home from the long drive and asked her to get back in her car and come back.  My poor sister, not only was it Christmas with her family possibly but it was COLD out and she had a brand new 6 month old baby herself.  Two and a half hours later she arrived at mom’s and we headed to the hospital.  Yes, I was in fact in labor.  PRAISE THE LORD, it wasn’t a tumor after all, I really did have a baby growing inside of me.

My pregnancy went well all nine months, and back then, my doctor did not do ultra sounds unless a problem was signaled.  I kept asking over and over if I was having twins.  I was THAT big.  (Baby elephant) But he assured me no, no you are having one baby and yes this baby will fit.  I kept telling him that I didn’t think he/she would fit either and he assured me that would not be a problem.  HA, little did he know. 

Well, the hours came and went and labor pains and contractions grew stronger and more painful and it seemed my room kept filling with STUDENTS who were there to practice ON ME.  I remember one student doctor trying to break my water because it had not broken yet….I heard him say as he is jabbing me with a large crochet hook, well I am poking something.  That was it, YOU ARE POKING ME YOU IDIOT NOW GET AWAY FROM ME”.  I had had enough. I wanted a REAL DOCTOR, someone seasoned, someone who didn’t need to practice anymore, I wanted MY DOCTOR.  Back then, you also had the doctor who was on shift for the day as the one who delivered your baby.  And I believe I went through at least three doctors, and did see my own doctor at one point in there, but he was not the doctor who delivered my baby.  He was one of the middle doctors.  About 28 hours later many of hard labor it became apparent to them that things were not progressing smoothly or as they should have.  No, I was not impressed either with their lack of attention to the fact that about 15 hours earlier I might have mentioned that but, I’m not a doctor so no one would listen to me. Finally it was decided I needed an emergency c-section. I was exhausted from labor but also from yelling at the doctors I’m sure and I had had enough of the irritation that came from one person involved watching a Badgers Game during this time.  I won’t go into that…it would be a waste of time. Oh the lessons we learn in life….

Anyway, off to the surgery room we went when it dawned on me that a person I went to high school with, Bryan L. worked in the OB department of the hospital and assisted with c-sections.  WAIT A MINUTE.  I grabbed my sister and said PLEASE tell me he is not in there today!!!!  You only want to get so close to some people you went to H.S. with.  I had nothing against him but really….I have my limits, yes even I have my limits on what I will expose to others that I know.  Believe it or not.

Not long afterwards, David was born. And as I suspected many months prior, he just plainly WOULD NOT FIT. The first thing my sister said to me when she saw him was “LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HIS BIG TOE!!”  Words I will never forget as long as I live.  Really….after all that, THAT is what she had to say?  David came out 10lbs 22 inches long.  I REALLY DID HAVE A BABY ELEPHANT.  He was adorable and so it began,  my life and Christmases from then on were forever changed, and I had been blessed with an amazing Christmas gift a little late. And the doctors said to my sister “In the olden days, neither of them would have survived.  No, I never can do anything the easy way…always have to take the long road, the hard road, but man, I appreciate everything so much more I think that way.

Well now, when I sat down to write this blog, it was supposed to be about the first Christmas tree David and I had the year following his birth, see how it happens that I get on tangents and forget my message I want to pass along…. But I think I will save that for my next blog. 

As you go about the business the seasons brings, the shopping, the gift wrapping, take a moment to stop and remember Christmases past spent with family members who may no longer be with you, childhood memories. I’m sure we all have a “best Christmas” ever in our years on this Earth.  What is yours?  Take the time to just sit back with a cup of hot cocoa and think back to that time and smile.

Have a great day everyone! 

A Thanksgiving To Be Thankful For! Praise God

It’s been awhile since I have felt inspired to post a blog.  Very little has happened in the way of humor, but that doesn’t mean things have not been going well in life.

It is Thanksgiving morning and boy, I don’t think I could feel more thankful if I tried this year. 

Two weeks ago I was blessed enough to be able to sit down with the Elder’s of Waushara Community Church and share with them my testimony of becoming a true believer in God.  It was a very humbling experience.  We don’t take enough time to sit down and look through the paths of our lives to see where God has worked in our lives proving to us over and over again His promise from Jeremiah ….”I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, they are plans for good and not disaster….”.  If I am being honest, I didn’t do much preparation for my testimony, in fact I tried not to think about it much before I had to go. (I spent my day in the knitting store making a scarf so I wouldn’t think about it).  Speaking in front of people is not always my strong point, I get nervous and tongue tied and my voice starts to crack and do funny things.  I took a public speaking course in college and it was nothing short of pure torture for me.  My first speech I gave in class, I worked tirelessly on. I practiced in front of not only my professor but my neighbors as well.  It was the right length of 3-5 minutes and I thought I was ready.  Until about 25 minutes before I had to give that speech.  I was physically sick with nerves and threw up.  I threw up before every speech I had to give that semester.  How could I be so nervous…I was going in front of a bunch of teenagers practically and I was much older than them, but nervous I was. My 3-5 minute speech ended up being about 38 seconds. I rattled through that so fast I wonder if they even heard my speech.  And the “peer evaluator” of my speech said that he thought I started to cry up there. I did not start to cry, but my voice did weird things.  I was embarrassed but oh well, they would forget, until I had to give my next speech, then they would remember and the cycle began for the 3 long months.

So I chose not to really “plan” any kind of speech and decided I would just go into that room and speak from the heart.  There were three areas that I needed to cover  1, Where I came from, my history with my faith, 2, When I became a true Christian and 3, How I knew that I believed in God now.  

As I spoke, God was showing me how many times throughout my life, especially those years between 18-30 something that He was trying to get my attention, and how many times I ignored him. I thought I was in control of my life and that I could make my own decisions without any guidance from Him or anyone else for that matter, which turned out to be me, taking the long way home at every curve in the road.

I can say now that I am home, and every one of those attention getting lessons God placed on my journey were leading me right here.  When I say I traveled down a broken road to today, that is no exaggeration, but that broken road has taught me much about life and has shown me that while I always knew I believed IN God, I don’t think I ever BELIEVED God.  

Every choice I have made in life has come with its own set of consequences and I not only hurt myself along the way but I hurt plenty of family members and friends. All who have forgiven me and still love me and most importantly with a God standing beside me saying, I’ll walk with you, but you need to also walk with ME!  Looking through my history, it was so humbling to see that God never left  me, He kept sending me His whispers and at times hit me over the head with a two by four trying to get my attention.  He knew, that I would one day turn and look up to Him and say, “Lord, my life belongs to you, not to me, my children belong to You, not to me, my marriage is for glorifying You, not to make my husband or me happy, that is just a byproduct of living to praise You”. I never once did anything in my life to deserve for God to continue to love me, to continue to bless me and give me hard lessons in order that I may one day see His greatness.  I gave Him every reason to wash His hands of me, to say, “Rebecca, You are not worth it”.  But He continued to love me.  He loves ME.  It’s that undeserved love that  has saved me over and over again in life from destruction, death, and a hardened heart never to return to the Word of God.  

God has placed friends in my life who have stood by me through the test of times.  They have never turned their backs on me and most importantly when I wanted to throw in the towel, give up on me, my family, my kids and God, they stood me up and pointed me in the direction I needed to go and kept handing me at the right times, the words of God’s promises.  

A year and a half ago, I was ready to be done. Many of you know the hardships I have endured over the past year and that it was only through a Sovereign God’s undeserved love that I went from waking up in the morning wishing I hadn’t, feeling too weak to face the turmoil of the day to now, when I wake up every morning with hope, joy in my heart and a thankfulness for just one more day to get it right, one more day for my son to come home to visit and one more day to tell my children, “Out of all the boys in the world, I don’t know how I got the best two, but I thank God for making me your mom!”.  

My son’s both have played such a major role in my life and both at very different times.  They truly are a gift from God. 

 David came to me at a time in life when I was going nowhere fast.  When I became pregnant with David, I had some hard choices to make and just to be clear, abortion was NEVER ONE OF THEM.  My choices were, do I stay in this life I have been living the past 8 or so years or do I take the hard steps to be able to give HIM a life.  I was not going to be the single mom who was sitting on welfare and popping out more and more kids.  That’s when I took the first step to changing my life around, moving to Ripon, entering college and working tremendously hard to give my first born son a promising future.  I do not deserve a pat on the back for that, while I am proud of my accomplishments, it was only through Christ that I was able to do any of this, and yet, I still wasn’t giving Him what He wanted.  I wasn’t giving Him all of me.  Thank you Lord for sending me David, who without knowing, gave me the strength and the courage to change my life and to teach me what true love, unconditional love really is.  David was not born into this world with a job, David was born into this world to give me a job, a meaningful and the most rewarding job I could ever have.

The plan in life was for David to be my only child.  I didn’t believe I ever wanted another child, but I believe God, seeing into my future, and knowing what I would go through the past year and a half would need another child and so five years ago, God changed my heart and I looked forward to bringing my little Lane into the world.  It was because of Lane I was able to get out of bed a year and a half ago with a smile, a fake smile, but a smile nonetheless.  He made me laugh, he made me feel like I was doing something right and not a total failure.  Lane was not born into this world with a job, Lane was born into this world so I remembered what my job was. 

Only a   loving and forgiving God could have planned these two perfectly timed boys to come into my life. And they are two boys that I didn’t deserve, but God loved me enough to bless me with that gift of motherhood.  

I deserve nothing from God, nothing good, yet He loves me.  I wish I had a story that said, I don’t know  when I didn’t believe God.  There is no defining moment in my life where I knew that I was God’s child and He was here with me today and always, but that’s not my story.  My story is riddled with sin, my story is riddled with destructive behavior, my story is riddled with terrible choices, addiction and pain brought upon me only by myself.  But with those things my story also has a wonderfully happy turn in it. It’s not a happy ending, my life is not over and my life is not easy now by any means.  But when I walk with God, the tasks at hand are much easier to bear.  The disease that has my world spinning 100 miles an hour on random days and new symptoms that are rearing their ugly head daily are much easier to bear when God is wrapping his arms around me.  When you see me, you may not know that I have an illness, because it’s when I am hidden away in my home for only those closest to me to see me in that vulnerable state.  They see me cry and get angry but they see me also with a knowledge that while this is horrible, God is sitting here next to me and He is not going to leave me now or ever when times get tough.  And on the days that I feel good, I hope that all see me as a beacon of God’s wonderful miracles and promises.  

I watch in wonder how God uses us in our life to change other lives.  My son, David, recently changed a man’s heart and life without even knowing it.  This man was ready to give up on God, he had been praying for answers and finding none. He was asked to pray for David, whom I had not seen him in a very long time, and I had asked that people pray for him to come back to me, where he belonged.  Months later, David called and asked if he could come home, out of the blue, just when I thought I was giving up on him every coming home.  One of the proudest moments of my life was walking into church that Sunday morning with him beside me.  This man saw my son walk in and while his intentions, unknown to the rest of us that day, were to never come back to the church, to give up on his faith, seeing David changed his heart and showed him that God is still listening and answering our prayers.  We need to be patient and remember that it is not always on our timeline.  We just need to trust, love and believe Him.  He will never fail any one of us if we chose to allow Him to work in our lives.  

I pray that God will use me one day to change a life like that.  He uses the broken, the cracked pots, and I don’t think there is any more cracked than I am. I hope and pray that one day I will have changed a life like my hero, David did that Sunday morning.  I shared that story with David last night and he said, “I want to meet this man”.  I hope that he has the opportunity to meet him one day.  He may just have saved his life, just as he had saved mine so many years ago.  

So on this Thanksgiving Day, I will be thanking God for all He has done in my life and blessed me with.  That sitting around the dinner table today my husband, and BOTH MY CHILDREN will be with me and I will look around and be able to smile and say Amen Lord, Amen.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!