THE FLIGHT OF ST. QUACK

Well, after my little temper tantrum the other day and the Rural Christian Women's Conference Yesterday and friends over for coffee this morning after church, I must say I am feeling so much better.  Maybe I just needed to turn 4 for a minute, whine, cry, bellow, complain and stomp my foot a few times.  I kept kicking myself for even posting the last blog but then said,,,,,geez, it's MY BLOG I can actually write whatever I want and I don't have to see anyone's facial expression when something inappropriate or just absolutely immature comes out of my mouth.  Oh the joys of the internet.

So, back to the Unwanted Duck.  I think I left off about "Green Duck" returning looking for Red and of course Red was dead and Green had a very hard time dealing with the death of his brother Red so he went on a bender and ended up hooking up with a Flamingo and by golly with his luck if she didn't have a Flamingo / Duck aka Fluck.  And of COURSE they both took off (Green for Vegas) and Flamingo for only God knows where and left me with this pink headed duck!!! THE NERVE.

Well, it was close to Christmas and so of course when the duck went back to Kaukauna it needed to be festive...so hence the birth of St. Quack.  Who was painted to look like Santa Claus of course and securely packaged in a big box with Pink, the Fluck and shipped off to the Kosuts wtih this note attached:

Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The rubber boots were hung by the tub with care,

In hopes that St. Quack soon would be there.

The ducklings were nestled all snug in their nests

While visions of fish swam ‘round in their heads.

With Red in his coffin, and Green’s kid on my lap,

Had just settled down for a short, quick duck nap.

When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,

I waddled from the sofa to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flapped like a flash,

Threw open the blinds and ducked under the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,

Gave the luster of mid-year to objects below.

When what to my wild wings should I see

But a great big old mallard and eight tiny small geese.

With an ugly old driver so lively and crowing,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Quack.

More rapid than foxes, his chickens they came,

And he whistled and waddled and called them by name;

Now, Toddle, Now, Shuffle, Now Wobble and Sway,

On Daniel, On Shannon, On Craig and Karane!

To the top of the coop! To the top of the shed,

Now fly away, fly away, fly away all!

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,

The flapping and slapping of each fine webbed foot.

As I drew in my wing, and was turning around,

Down the egg shoot St. Quack came with a bound.

His eyes how beady! His wings, full of fluff

His feathers were flustered, his beak crammed with stuff.

He quacked not a word but went straight to his work,

And filled all the rubber boots, then turned in a jerk.

And laying his wing aside of his waddle

And giving a nod up the shoot he rose.

He sprang to his golf cart, to his team gave a quack.

And away they all flew like the down of my back.

But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,

ISN’T IT GREAT, SO WONDERFUL TO SEE,

ALL DUCKS WHO COME BACK TO THEIR FIRST CHRISTMAS TREE

Oh did I laugh and laugh (and holy cow do I have black black ink now from copying and pasting that in there....I really need to investigate this blogging stuff more so I know what I am doing.....Well, guess you get this bold bold lettering, oh hey, wait....that seems SO MUCH better.  HA...loser, blonde, dork, call me what you will, but it's never boring around me.

I think I'll take a moment to see if I can upload photos of Red duck and all his many disguises since some of you are not on Facebook and probably can't "friend" Red Duck then. 

Well, I uploaded a photo and uhmmmm, it's not Red Duck, but it is a pic of some of my chickens...and here we have BOLD again.  OK, let's try this again:

 HERE is Red Duck (and no more bold)

 HERE is DEAD RED DUCK

 GREEN DUCK (BAHAHAHAHA and the ink turned Green and I didn't even do it). Seriously....WTH just happened??? I promise that I did not mess with the font color, I don't know how, I only know how now to unbold...

 Pink the baby Fluck (Seriously, I am not changing font color, I copy and pasted a word document of the letter sent with St. Quack which was colored and now the colors and just changing as they want as if possessed by the devil himself......)

St. Quack

And St. Quack.  SO there are the up to date adventures of the Unwanted Duck.  No one knows when he will appear again, or where but just when you least expect it....well, when I least expect it after I have sent him off....he appears again with another story, and man, I hope he doesn't come with anymore new off spring.

I am going to end this with a song that I messed with and put on Red's Facebook page after he flew off in his Sleigh at Christmas time that sure gave me a chuckle if no one else.....Hope you all have a Safe and Happy and Wonderful week.  PRAISE GOD because He is Good!!

The Duck he pleaded, and The Duck he cried,
For me to open up the door and let him go outside,
Then he sat on the lawn underneath a tree,
Pretending that he couldn't hear me.

I said, "Duck, you had better come on home,
"There's dogs in the dark, waiting to attack,
"And duck hawks looking for a late night snack,
"So Red, oh Red, you better come on home."

Red Duck, he turned, and he tossed his head,
"I may or may not come," he said,
"I'm a duck who's deeply dissatisfied,
"I'll let you know when I decide."

I said, "Duck, you better come home now,
"I'll close this door and I'll lock this bolt,
"You can spend the night in the snow and cold,
"So duck, oh duck, you better come on home."

He said, "I'd rather be a duck that meets a terrible fate,
"Than live with the Thoms who don't appreciate,
"That a duck's independent and a true highbrow,
"And demands a little high-class chow.
"I've seen the food that you feed your guests,
"The eggs and the fish and the chicken breasts,
"Do you share it with your duck? No you don't; now way,
"Not the poached perch liver pate."

I said, "DUCK, you had better come on home.
"I'm not about to stand her and argue with a duck,
Now what would the Koch's and the Kosut's think of that?
So Duck, OH DUCK, you better come on home.

"You've seen the last of your old duck, Red"
He left with the fluck and his big old bed
And he left for a month and a half.

I felt so bad, full of guilt and shame
I walked around town just callin his name
With a great big plate of yummy blue gill
and some tuna fish for his bill.

I said, "Duck, please come home,
"Come on, Old Red come home to bed
"I got a number of fringe benefits that need to be read
So Duck, oh duck, please come home.

I saw him six months later on a facebook page
He was the number one duck not one day aged.
With lots of friends and some statuses that were firm
And his hair was done up in a perm.

You could tell it was Red, though this duck was wrapped
In a Packer hat, a santa suit and teeth that were capped
He was taking no flack
and changed his name to QUack

I said "Duck, you better come home now.
You're top duck now and you're riding high,
"But they'll dump you in the river when the well runs dry,
"So Duck, oh duck, you better come on home.

Sure enough he came back one day last fall,
He was on his last legs he could barely crawl
With his poor old tail dragging on the ground
He weighed about 89 pounds.
He looked like something that the cat dragged in,
With his tongue hanging out on his double chin
And real big bags underneath his eyes;
He said, "It's me; surprise!"

I said "Duck so glad you came back home
"No need to explain my duck old friend,
"I'm just glad to have you back again.
"Yes Duck oh Duck you came back home".

I picked him up like a big feather sack
He said "Easy Jack, I got a flamingo on my back,
"I got a big Packer habit and that's no lie,
"I gotta go cold turkey on the blue gill pie"
"I'm only home to pack my bages
"And then I'm off to Vegas"

Oh' Duck, you better come home,
There's dogs in the dark waiting to attack
And duck hawks looking for a late night snack,
So duck oh duck, you better come home.

You can seek your fortune but nevertheless,
Remember your name and your address
And Duck, oh Duck, you better come on home.
(Adapted from Garrison Keillor's Cat Song". )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhJt3i3UKWk 

And now, if you don't hear from me for awhile, I broke a law somewhere using that song and changing it and Garrison (Who, I might add, I sat next to on an airplane once when I was 18 coming home from New Jersey oh, man, now that's a story but not for today)  I knew who he was....my dad is a huge fan, and so I recognized him right away. Asked his name to be sure and when he GRUFFED "Keillor" he kind of scared me and I never said another word the entire flight and to this day I regret it. But once at the airport in Minneapolis, I did manage to get the courage to catch up to him again (with my mom with me) and got his autograph for my dad at least. (Dad, you could at least verify this story for me to prove again, I can't make this stuff up). But so many hours wasted when I could have been chatting his ear off,  becoming his new best friend, giving him book ideas, (he has many, they are funny, read them), I'm sure I would have fit in PERFECTLY in Lake Wobegon, but now we will never know.....because for the first time in my life I decided to turn shy for a few hours. (and that is something I'm sure my family would have paid to see...me quiet for hours).  Yeah....I'm a real winner.  

Hope you all have a Safe and Happy and Wonderful week.  PRAISE GOD because He is Good!!